Jesus and I were looking out at the expansive beauty of the Grand Canyon. "I doesn't even look real," I said out loud and to The Son of Man who was standing next to me.
"Does it look real now?!" asked Jesus as he gave me a shove, and then quickly grabbed my arm to pull me back from falling over the edge.
"Hey! Don't do that, I hate that kind of shit!" I shouted, as I nearly collapsed to the ground, shaking, my stomach in knots. "Asshole..." I grumbled.
"I heard that," Jesus said to me, laughing at his own sophomoric humor. "Come on Teddy-boy, you need to get over some of those childhood fears." And with that, Jesus grabbed me by the arm, and with a leap we began to fall into the Grand Canyon.
"Really, Jesus? REALLY?" is all I could muster.
As we were falling, I looked over at Jesus and said over the roar of the wind as we reached terminal velocity, "This reminds me of the book Satanic Verses, that got Salman Rushdie in the shit with the Muslim world."
Jesus just said, "Not quite."
I was expecting Jesus to slow the fall, suspend time, and impart some wisdom upon me. The wind continued, and my and Jesus clothes were flapping wildly in the wind. The ground was rushing up to meet us, and then did. With a "whomp!" I hit the ground, and my body exploded. I had seen pictures of the remains of people who jumped off skyscrapers. I figure my body looked like that. Flat, round, with my body parts scattered on the floor of the Grand Canyon.
Everything went black. I don't know how long I was out, or where I was anymore. Then the light came, just like people who had near death experiences recount. I was flying down the tunnel towards the light, feet first, which was odd I thought, but in my dreams, I always fly like this, on my back, feet first. Along the walls of the tunnel were scenes from my life playing out. One scene blurring into another. Was life separate events, or one big event we walk through? Like the double slit experiment in quantum physics, it was both individual frames, and a continuous wave. Yesterday's yesterdays, flowed into yesterday's tomorrows, and onward into the next day's tomorrows. My life took forever to relive in the blink of an eye. Family, friends, strangers I had passed on the streets, sat next to on airplanes, shared cabs with, loved ones and ones no so loved changed and morphed along the walls of the tunnel. It all made sense, how every person and event followed the previous. My life made sense within it's own often terrifying absurdity. I can't explain why, or how I understood. It transcended words. I was rushing towards the end of the tunnel, and my life, into the light. The end of the tunnel approached as my spirit-body turned upright. I came to a stop, and there was Jesus, laughing. He was wearing the saffron robe of a Buddhist monk. With a kung-fu kick to my chest, he sent me hurtling back down the tunnel, away from the light. My life was now on rewind, everything played backwards. I heard The Beatles "Revolution No. 9" playing somewhere.
I felt myself being pulled back into my battered, destroyed body. A warm radiance permeated me.
My eyes flickered open, I blinked and squinted at the shadow looming over me. Jesus held out his hand, and I took it to stand up.
"What the heck was that for?" I askith The Lord.
"You can't really live until you have accepted the fact that you are going to die. Most people don't ever do that. That is why they are surprised when Death shows up. Then they are kicking and screaming that they are not ready. It is not "their time. So, I decided to give you the gift of death. Then I brought you back. Now you can live without fear of death, because you have already "been there, done that." That was Jesus explanation. I have the sneaking suspicion he just felt like doing something he considered fun. Being The Son of Man must get tedious at times, with all those prayers, and goof-ball requests for home team victories.
I shrugged my reattached shoulders and said, "Well, I guess I should thank you. I will say that dying and then being resurrected was quite a rush."
Jesus said, "Resurrection is the best rush, with the possible exception of DMT."
"Is that what you keep doing it? For the rush?" I wanted to get to the bottom of this.
"What do you mean, 'keep doing it?'" Jesus had a wry smile.
You know, "Horus, the Egyptian Sun God, Zoroaster, Dionysus, Attis, Krishna. It's the same story, with a few minor changes, told over and over again. Are all of them, were all of them, you?" I already knew the answer, and had know it for some time.
"I am the alpha and the omega, all things are me and come through me." Jesus seemed very Jesusy in his response.
"Thought so." was my response. "By the way, I have never done DMT. My subconscious is best left where it is." I said to the King of kings. "However, I could use a beer."
Jesus laughed and said, "You subconscious is a doozy. Let's find some beers."
