Chapter Twenty Three - Grand (Canyon) Death Dive

Jesus and I were looking out at the expansive beauty of the Grand Canyon. "I doesn't even look real," I said out loud and to The Son of Man who was standing next to me.

"Does it look real now?!" asked Jesus as he gave me a shove, and then quickly grabbed my arm to pull me back from falling over the edge.

"Hey! Don't do that, I hate that kind of shit!" I shouted, as I nearly collapsed to the ground, shaking, my stomach in knots. "Asshole..." I grumbled.

"I heard that," Jesus said to me, laughing at his own sophomoric humor. "Come on Teddy-boy, you need to get over some of those childhood fears." And with that, Jesus grabbed me by the arm, and with a leap we began to fall into the Grand Canyon.

"Really, Jesus? REALLY?" is all I could muster.

As we were falling, I looked over at Jesus and said over the roar of the wind as we reached terminal velocity, "This reminds me of the book Satanic Verses, that got Salman Rushdie in the shit with the Muslim world." 

Jesus just said, "Not quite." 

I was expecting Jesus to slow the fall, suspend time, and impart some wisdom upon me. The wind continued, and my and Jesus clothes were flapping wildly in the wind. The ground was rushing up to meet us, and then did. With a "whomp!" I hit the ground, and my body exploded.  I had seen pictures of the remains of people who jumped off skyscrapers. I figure my body looked like that. Flat, round, with my body parts scattered on the floor of the Grand Canyon.

Everything went black. I don't know how long I was out, or where I was anymore. Then the light came, just like people who had near death experiences recount. I was flying down the tunnel towards the light, feet first, which was odd I thought, but in my dreams, I always fly like this, on my back, feet first. Along the walls of the tunnel were scenes from my life playing out. One scene blurring into another. Was life separate events, or one big event we walk through?  Like the double slit experiment in quantum physics, it was both individual frames, and a continuous wave. Yesterday's yesterdays, flowed into yesterday's tomorrows, and onward into the next day's tomorrows. My life took forever to relive in the blink of an eye. Family, friends, strangers I had passed on the streets, sat next to on airplanes, shared cabs with, loved ones and ones no so loved changed and morphed along the walls of the tunnel. It all made sense, how every person and event followed the previous. My life made sense within it's own often terrifying absurdity. I can't explain why, or how I understood. It transcended words. I was rushing towards the end of the tunnel, and my life, into the light. The end of the tunnel approached as my spirit-body turned upright. I came to a stop, and there was Jesus, laughing. He was wearing the saffron robe of a Buddhist monk. With a kung-fu kick to my chest, he sent me hurtling back down the tunnel, away from the light. My life was now on rewind, everything played backwards. I heard The Beatles "Revolution No. 9" playing somewhere. 

I felt myself being pulled back into my battered, destroyed body.  A warm radiance permeated me.

My eyes flickered open, I blinked and squinted at the shadow looming over me. Jesus held out his hand, and I took it to stand up.

"What the heck was that for?" I askith The Lord.

"You can't really live until you have accepted the fact that you are going to die. Most people don't ever do that. That is why they are surprised when Death shows up. Then they are kicking and screaming that they are not ready. It is not "their time. So, I decided to give you the gift of death. Then I brought you back. Now you can live without fear of death, because you have already "been there, done that." That was Jesus explanation. I have the sneaking suspicion he just felt like doing something he considered fun. Being The Son of Man must get tedious at times, with all those prayers, and goof-ball requests for home team victories.

I shrugged my reattached shoulders and said, "Well, I guess I should thank you. I will say that dying and then being resurrected was quite a rush."

Jesus said, "Resurrection is the best rush, with the possible exception of DMT."

"Is that what you keep doing it? For the rush?" I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"What do you mean, 'keep doing it?'" Jesus had a wry smile.

You know, "Horus, the Egyptian Sun God, Zoroaster, Dionysus, Attis, Krishna. It's the same story, with a few minor changes, told over and over again. Are all of them, were all of them, you?" I already knew the answer, and had know it for some time.

"I am the alpha and the omega, all things are me and come through me." Jesus seemed very Jesusy in his response.

"Thought so." was my response. "By the way, I have never done DMT. My subconscious is best left where it is." I said to the King of kings. "However, I could use a beer."

Jesus laughed and said, "You subconscious is a doozy. Let's find some beers." 

Chapter Twenty Two - A Campfire-side Chat

The Lord and I went camping out West after our adventure in ridding the world of child molesters. We were sitting around a campfire, staring into it and watching the flames dance.
"Do you think people got the message, Jesus?" I asked the King of Kings.


"Nah, they never do. Maybe a few souls were saved, but nearly all people only are remorseful when they get caught. Even in Hell, people are only sorry they are there. They are not really sorry for what they did to get there." Jesus spoke as he poked the campfire with a stick,  the sparks flying up into the night sky.


"I suppose that is true, for the vast masses. Is it really their fault, though? Isn't the world rigged to snag people?" I askith The Lord.


"Well, Ted, people are given free will. And it's not like evil hides in the bushes. It is right out there in the open for all to see. There have more than enough holy men and women sent here, enough holy books written, that there really isn't a question of what is right and wrong. People choose to think that they are exempt. They justify, bend the truth, and convince themselves they are not THAT bad. Then you have the other side, who think they have a guaranteed pass into heaven because they believe they didn't do anything wrong. They totally ignore the fact they didn't do what was right. Not doing right is often more evil than doing wrong." Jesus poked his stick into a large piece of buring wood, and more sparks flew high into the night sky.


"So, you are saying being good is not good enough?"


"Not by far." Jesus went on. "There were two brothers. One was an upstanding citizen. He went to church every Sunday, he gave the church 1/10 of his income, which was substantial. He paid his taxes, and never caused any trouble. He raised his children to be the same as he. He was pround of all these things. The lesser brother spent his life in and out of prison for petty crimes. His marriages never lasted more than a few years. No matter what he did in life, it never worked out for him. One night, in a drunken brawl, he smashed a bottle over another drunks head, killing him. He was tried, and found guility of manslaughter. When he got out of prison for the last time, he went to see his brother, to make amends for the embarassment and pain he had caused over the years. His brother refused to see him. He had 'Written him off.'  Saddened, he went back to drinking, and died in the back of an abandoned car during a winter storm. How do you think they would be judged? Who was the lesser?"


For me, Jesus, the successful brother was the lesser. The lesser brother was more. Those who struggle are the blessed."

That's the way it should be seen, but too often people judge others on the superficial. Society is built on the superficial, what people own, what they have achieved monitarily. What they forget is, you die at the end of your story. The difference between you and a homeless man doesn't matter to the worms in your grave. It doesn't matter to me, the Father, the Great Mother, The Universe, pick a name, any name, it doesn't matter to any of them.


"What about atheists? How do they fare when judgment comes?" I asked HIM.


"It really doesn't matter if people believe in me, or any other god. There are many good people who don't wait for God to fix things, they do it themselves. I would rather have a million atheists helping the poor, tending to the sick, protesting against wars, than a million people on their knees praying to ME to fix everything mankind does to one another."


"You know, Lord, that doesn't jibe with what is preached in most churches, and definately doesn't line up with politicians and TV evangelists."


"If people are so foolish to follow those so-called leaders, there is nothing for them after this world." Jesus stated as he opened his hands, palms raised up. "Nothing."


"What do you mean, nothing"? I pressed.


"I mean what I said - nothing. How could there be? If all someone has done is worried about themselves, then the missed the point of this life. They haven't lived. If they haven't lived, they certainly can't have a life after a death of a life that wasn't lived." Jesus looked at me as if I should know this.


"What happens to them when they die then?" I was finding this new understanding I was being given frightening.

"They go back to where they came from - nowhere."


"Wow, Lord, that seems severe." I was shaken.


"Is it really, Ted? Hasn't every person who has lived, died? Hasn't every spiritual master had the same message? Life is temporal! Be kind to people. Happiness is gained through kindness to others. Finding the kingdom isn't hard, it is inside of everyone."


"You know Jesus, that may be it. Because it is right there, most can't see it."


I sat staring into the fire for a long while, pondering these simple truths. Jesus started to snore. I tucked his blanket around him, wrapped myself in mine, and fell asleep under the star filled sky.